I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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