just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
whose parrot is this?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
