Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
