I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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