Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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