Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
