I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
