Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
