Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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