you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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