ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
