You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Cover your peen. We're going out.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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