It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
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Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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