i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
