I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
