Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
