no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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