HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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