this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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