two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
