my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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