...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
