I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize