I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize