Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
