so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So squirting runs in the family.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
