we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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