What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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