dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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