It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
