who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
