Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
