remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
