did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
