so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
