I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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