guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
