i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
