Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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