good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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