Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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