Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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