Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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