Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
