sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”