to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
