When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.