What a fucking waste of an outfit
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her