I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
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I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.