i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
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I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.