apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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