Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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