So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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