her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
