Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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