What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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