Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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