Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
