omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
