Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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