At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
