a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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