my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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