Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
