Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
