Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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