Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
