im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
