WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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