Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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