I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
