a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just want nice things and good sex
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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