I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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