i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
