Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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