Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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