Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
