The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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