We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she looked like the before picture.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
