Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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