This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
